“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Are you living your life by cause or by effect? You need to be aware of this distinction. Very few people are living their life by cause; most, however, are living their life by effect – living their life at the whims, or emotions, or desires of others.
Living your life by cause means that you are decisive in creating what you want in your life, and take responsibility for what you achieve. If you live this way, you see the world filled with opportunity, and you work toward achieving your desires. If things aren’t going the way you like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have a choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
Stop Living By Effect
How can you tell if you are living by effect? When you live by effect, you blame others or circumstances for the situations in your life, for what you haven’t achieved. You also probably feel powerless or feel dependent on others to feel good about yourself and your life. You may say, “If only my spouse, my boss, my co-workers, my parents, my children would do, or be more … If you wait and hope for things to be different or for others to provide you with results or happiness, you are living by effect. You are a victim of circumstances.
So tell me, how satisfying is that? How satisfying do you think it is for those around you?
Believing that someone else is responsible for your happiness or your moods is very limiting and gives the other person power over you. You give your power away by living this way. This is what causes you anguish, not the situation itself, but your loss of power.
Start Living Your Live By Cause
Being at cause means you have choices in your life – you can choose what is best for you while ensuring the option is ecological for those around you, in your community and your society. That is, you consider the consequences of your actions on others, while not taking responsibility for their emotional well-being. Believing you are responsible for the emotional welfare of someone else places a heavy burden upon you and can cause a great deal of stress.
Those who live their lives at effect often see themselves as victims with no choices whatsoever. The truth is that they do have choices but have chosen not to take action. They are merely reactive to whatever is thrust upon them.
Emotions such as guilt, fear, anxiety, and resentment are the result of being at effect. People at effect tend to blame others and do not take responsibility for their actions. Emotions such as these can wear heavily on a person’s body and life and can be the cause of many physical and personal issues.
Do I always live my life at cause? No, not a chance; a vast majority of the time I do live at cause. When I don’t, one of the following usually comes to mind: ‘There is no failure only feedback’ or ‘There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states.’ Then using various personal growth techniques, such as those from NLP (neurolinguistic programming), I can explore other ways to achieve my outcomes or ask others for help, without being a victim to their answers.
Each morning when you get up, you can either ask yourself, “I wonder what my day will bring,” or “What do I choose to bring to my day?” The choice is yours.